“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Friday, November 20, 2015

Voice lesson on Detail 2


About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
    W. H. Auden, “Musée des Beaux Arts”
Task: substitute another general term for suffering in the first line (e.g. laziness, happiness…).  Now rewrite the fourth line with details about the opposite condition of your term.  Share your new stanza on the blog and comment on one other stanza.  Due by Friday, November 27th.

54 comments:

  1. About sorrow they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is flitting around or casually dreaming or just smiling like an automaton;

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    Replies
    1. I love how you substitued 'suffering' by 'sorrow'! Also I liked your last idea of someone smiling 'like an automaton', which is quite contradictory as automatons aren't expressive or representing joy! To me, it implies that these people smiling like automaton are just acting like robots in hope to not feel this sorrow, which they are afraid of. It's not an opposition but merely a protection and that's what I really liked about your rewriting of this extract!

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  2. About generosity they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else was carelessly enjoying his wealth or wearing precious ornaments like Cleopatra or simply admiring his treasure.

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    Replies
    1. I liked reading your overall substitution. We can clearly see an opposition between "generosity" and the fourth line, which is basically relying on symbols of egoism. The use of "carelessly" is really strenghtening this idea of never thinking about anyone else, which is opposite to the basic principle of generosity. Nice job!

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    2. I think you did a really good job by taking the example of Cleopatra, I find it relevant of her selfishness and your substitution shows that it can also be applied to any human. Your example is original and that's why I chose to comment it, it attracted all my attention ! good job

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  4. About open-mindedness they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else's ignorant mind is mechanically repudiating and derogating atypical yet wondrous ideas since someone claims these are certain threats to us instead of aidful gifts;

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    Replies
    1. I love your substitution Jinte! The general term, 'open-mindedness', is really positive - its association with humanity makes me really hopeful and reminds me that we can be a pretty awesome species when we want (and goodness knows we need that reminder). But that's not the only thing I like: your details on narrow-mindedness are very well-written. I love how you used sounds like an alliteration in 'm' and a repetition of 'ating' to give rhythm to your writing and illustrate the 'mechanical[...]' aspect of the person's mind, as you put it so well. I especially love your expression 'atypical yet wondrous ideas'... it's just charming. And most importantly, reading your text made me smile :) Thank you!

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  5. About youth they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is struggling to speak or eat, or just weakly walking down the park;

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    Replies
    1. I like how you chose youth, because its opposite is age and the poem is about the Old Masters I thought it was kind of amusing. Also, very nice description of the elderly, I can almost hear the hissing "s" of old people breathing thanks to your alliteration, and visualize them stumbling along with their canes and the like. Very nice job, congrats

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  6. About loneliness they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is rushing to a rendez-vous, or planning to dawdle with aquaintances, or just resting from tiring reunions.

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    Replies
    1. I think your substition is really powerful because its point is rather uncommon. We could have expected something positive to come out in front of loneliness but actually the expressions you used have tacit negative connotations. "rushing", "tiring" and the alliteration in [r] create an impression of repetition and weariness. Loneliness becomes better than useless and exhausting relationships. On the whole, I found your substitution very interesting and very perplexing, that's why I liked it!

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  7. About balance they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is tottering or loosing his footing in the constant stream of life;

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    Replies
    1. I really liked your substitution Emma, I thought it was very thoughtful, realistic and rather out of the ordinary. You gave importance to an everyday challenge in a poetic way. Well-done

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    2. I found your sustitution conveyed its message extremely well Emma; there is a subtle reference to nature shown by the stream (reflected in the sibilance), but to this natural, peaceful element, you oppose, in the same line, a quick series of words in -ing whose rhythm, to me, suggested this idea of stumbling, trying to remain balanced by making quick successive steps; the word "constant" also puts the entire thing into perspective, showing that the balance humans seek is but a small problem in a much larger image, the eternal one of nature, in constant harmony. It definitely sounds like something these "Old Masters" would be likely to say !

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  8. About hatred they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is spreading happiness or loosing hope in the rudeness of our reality.

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  9. About nature they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is on their phone or watching a film or just driving their car.

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    Replies
    1. I liked your choice of "subject" ! I think nature goes very well with the Old Masters, who know how to respect and admire it. It contrasts really well with the idea of the new generations watching their phones and passing by this beautiful nature with their car and not getting a chance to "take a walk on the wild side" ;)

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    2. I love your substitution :D It is simple but very original. There is definetely a contrast between nature and the fourth line which describes the technological world. Through the 3 actions in the 4th line and the lack of a reference to another person it is clear that this world is mainly based one solitude, isolation and maybe even egocentrism. On the contrary, “nature” connotes the harmony of manifold creatures living together. Great job :D

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  10. About trust they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters : how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is breaking promises or revealing secrets and spreading rumours.

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    Replies
    1. A very evocative substitution ! According to me, it appeals to the emotions of the reader, who can identify himself because betrayal happens in everybody's life (unfortunately) . Moreover, the verbs "breaking" and spreading" are made of harsh sounds; thus it emphasizes this idea of being deceived in an hurtful way. It definitely reflects human beings.

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  11. About yearning they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters; how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is whistling or drifting off to sleep or merely shaking their head in exasperation at that idle woolgatherer two seats down who just missed their metro stop;

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  12. About abandonment they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters; how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is allowing in a stray cat or supporting their troubled friend or even cherishing a harmful memory.

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    Replies
    1. Very interesting substitution, Juliette. Through particularly evocative details you explored different ideas that one can oppose to abandonment. While cheering up a friend or accepting a painful memory can represent a refusal to yield to despair even in hard times, the image of the stray cat is less straight-forward, and aroused my curiosity... For me it evokes the unknown, or something alien, hence welcoming it may be seen as refusing to lock oneself up in prejudices and surrender to intolerance... maybe not, I don't know, still great job! :)

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  13. About despair they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is grinning helplessly or calling their best friend or simply nodding their head blithely along their favourite song;

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    Replies
    1. I really like your substitution Ondine, the last line is clearly contrasting with the general idea. But what I loved is that you didn't describe the contrary of despair with really powerful and memorable parts of someone's life; you prefered to choose little details, those little details of our everyday lives that seem so common but actually mean so more to us than we think. Little details without which we would drown into despair..

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  14. About avarice they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is thoughtfully scrutinizing the boutiques or lavishly depleting his money or enjoying a high gastronomy.

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    Replies
    1. I think you I did a great job in this substitution! I really liked how you explored the aspects opposed to avarice. What is particularly thought provoking, at least in my opinion, is that, I think everyone more or less experiences both of these feelings at some point in one's life, even though contradictory. This is a really effective way to involve the reader in this substitution and adds on to the overall effectiveness, which allows oneself to look back on his personal experiences! Well done! :*

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  15. About persistence they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is pushing away their unfinished work or wandering without purpose or solely waiting for fate;

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    Replies
    1. Good job Ambre ! Your choice of words to contrast with persistence is really effective; "unfinished", "without purpose", "solely" emphasize your ideas and your diction is thus in harmony with what you want to express. What's more, it seems that persistence is against fate, and I love this idea that humans can change their future if they have the motivation. In short, I admire your substitution !

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    2. I found your work very interesting Ambre ! Indeed, this opposition between persistence and aimlessness is pretty interesting, especially considering that this aimlessness turns by the end into the waiting and acceptance of “fate” that implies maybe the notion of death. Indeed, we could interprete this “work” as life that we have to work on every day with persistence to make it worth living. Moreover, the alliteration in [w] in the fourth sentence can reinforce the aimlessness with its fluid and sluggish sound. Overall I found this substitution very effective!

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  16. About intrepidness they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is locking is door, everyday peeping out at the street in search of a potential danger, never present, yet ardent in his head, and peering at the postman with a mixture of interest and distrust.

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  17. About frustration they were never wrong.
    The Old Masters: How well they understood
    It's human position: How it takes place
    While someone else is just looking at the sky and has the possibly to reach whatever she wants, to accomplish what he has always been dreaming of, or is simply satisfied with what she has.

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    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Firstly I find the fact that you alternated the pronouns she and he interesting as it emphasizes the idea of the vastness of the world and how small someone's frustration is compared to the sum of all the emotions others are feeling. I also like how you used the sky as an imagery to represent goals that seem unattainable as the sky is out of our reach... Finally I like how you concluded with 'is simply satisfied with what she has' because of its contrast with the beginning. It gives another aspect to that frustration : it is not only a frustration about not being able to have something but also about the frustration itself and not being satisfied with what one already has... Anyways good job Ninon

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    3. I really enjoyed reading your substitution! The word "just" and "whatever" emphasizes the fact "someone else" really doesn't care about all the fusses in live (no matter how small or big) and is simply enjoying what he/she has (which most of us don't). And to achieve what you always had dreamed of must give you so much satisfaction and certainly inspires others to also attain their goals. For me, it is truly hope giving and motivating to become such a serene and glad person! Thank you for spreading hope ^^

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  18. About death they were never wrong
    The old masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While some are working, eating, chilling or just going throughout their life

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    Replies
    1. I like yours a lot, death is always portrayed as something of concern for a lot of people. I believe death should not be a problem for anyone since if it comes you won't know about it when you're gone, its just the way you go really...you gave it a 'human position' as in being part of the human condition, the cycle of life, I found very clever!
      Well done

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  19. About us they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Our human position; how it takes place
    While something else is moving, stationary or just bending time and reality.




    What do you think it is? Leave your comments ;)

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    Replies
    1. What an original and interesting way to deal with the substitution! Yours may in fact sum up all the other ones as we are each focusing on a little aspect of the manifold purposes of art (like understanding certain feelings...) whilst you have a broader overview of the subject. Indeed, the "Old Masters" tried in their own ways to understand human nature and this seems to be one of the main goals of art. It definitely makes your quatrain pop out and brings a new touch which is definitely welcome. The last line I think is ambiguous as we are moving too so its meaning might depend on one's interpretation. I think that "bending time and reality" describes some phenomenons we are not able to trigger and that scientists still don't understand because they are definitely beyond our current knowledge which is why it contrasts with "us". Your work reminds us of our position as humans and shows how hard it is to grasp human nature.

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  20. About ravishment they were never wrong
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position ; how it takes place
    While someone else is cheerlessly passing by and moaning over the supposedly terrible day that is to come, blinded by distrust, shaded by sorrow.

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  21. About reality they were never wrong
    The Old Masters ; how well they understood
    It's human position ; how it take place
    While someone else is having melancholic dreams of freedom or taking long trips to their inner self, or even daydreaming carelessly.

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    Replies
    1. I really like the theme you chose to write about, Charles! The idea of reality passing by why some people's minds are elsewhere... Although I would have thought imagination was the more human thing in the scenario...? I'm really curious as to why you chose to put 'reality' in the first line

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  22. About hope they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is despairing or crying in the dark, blinded by tears, or losing faith in their god;

    ReplyDelete
  23. About improving they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is standing still, or hibernating or just staying in his comfort zone.

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    Replies
    1. I liked your substitution Marie! Your Choice of words is very effective : out of the last line we really get the impression of laziness in all of its forms ; sleep, stand-still or lack of courage... It made me want to go out of my own comfort zone and improve myself and that tells a lot!

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  26. About intellect they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is voting conservative;
    //
    About indifference they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is seeing the bright colour you can only dream of, choosing to absorb the dark clouds of your thoughts;

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    Replies
    1. I saw your previous comment and think that this one is even better. Indeed, the originality of your substitution resides in your use of humor, and the effect of surprise. Even though your substitution made me laugh, I disagree with the fact that intellect engender a certain politic opinion (but we can have this debate another time ;) ). Furthermore, the theme of intellect is very linked to the Old Masters, so it is accurate to have chosen this word for a substitution.

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    2. thank you for your comment Marie! I'd like to say, though : it's only humor. I don't think it's that simple at all, that intellect equals a certain opinion on politics, but it's what popped into my head and I figured, why the heck not?

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  27. About judgement they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is staring at one's face and analysing all it's flaws or just disdaining the ones he doesn't know.

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  28. About reflection they were never wrong,
    The Old Masters: how well they understood
    Its human position; how it takes place
    While someone else is lagging behind and simply listening to the other's thoughts, devoid of any sense of rationality.

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