Thursday, December 10, 2015
Voice lesson on imagery 2
Write
a paragraph in which you create a scene through auditory imagery. The purpose of your paragraph is to create a particular
mood. Use one olfactory
image to enhance the mood
created by auditory imagery. Comment on at least one other post - mood
created, choice and effectiveness of imagery. Due by Friday, December
18th. (ps Don't forgot to vote in the poll to the right)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Darkness is full of noises. The air whispers; makes me shiver. I stand motionless but the floor creaks all around me. I hear the shadows dancing; their bodies rubbing against the walls. I stare at the empty room with puffy eyes and all I see is emptiness. Emptiness is full of noises. My heartbeats resonate in my brain. My whole body makes a noise of rumpled paper; so does my soul. A bad-tempered spirit hits the roof above me at regular intervals. Salty melancholic smell of water and mist. It is raining outside.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteSince I am always afraid of being influenced by amazing works of others I didn't want to read any of the blog posts before having written mine... And I was right: your paragraph is amazing! Thanks to the gothic imagery ("darkness", "shiver", "shadows", "spirit", ...), a dark and sinister atmosphere is created. Moreover, the fact the speaker can hear invisible things suggests he/she truly is haunted/obsessed by something or means we are never alone (something greater than us is always watching us). Furthermore, the ultimate olfactory image connotes tears - since they're salty - which emphasizes the oppressive mood.
Delete(I only mentioned some points since there are too many great ones ^^)
Yes I completely agree with Jinte. Your post have a lot of amazing points! The personnification of the air, the repetition of the sentence "...is full of noises" but with two differents words conveys and the fabulous imagery make it very intresting and captivating to read. Good job!
DeleteAs I hugged my brother, I closed my eyes and smiled, listening to his steady breathing. I heard the mellifluous melody of a Christmas Carol, glasses jingling and the chuckles of my whole family. I heard the ripping of wrapping paper and my cousins bursting with joy. The new toys were buzzing and singing cheerfully. My father's slippers scraped the tiling familiarly and the spiced smell of the Christmas tree gently filled me.
ReplyDeleteI really ike the atmosphere that you created ! It goes perfectly with this time of the year. Your paragraph embodies the spirit of Christmas ;) The vocanulary and sounds ussed are very effective. Good job !
DeleteI love your paragraph Maëlys ! :D Through the various sounds and the Christmas tree scent you create the warm and cozy Christmas mood. Furthermore, the specific vocabulary, the varied sentence lenght and the first person paint the image of a perfect Christmas spend with family and adds a personal aspect. This makes your imagery very effective and adorable because everybody can relate to it !
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the length ^^
ReplyDeleteLast exchange of words.
Then, through the constant silence nothing but nervous tapping of feet, heart beating, heavy breathing and the familiar voice in my head.
My heart beats faster, faster!
My breathing becomes harder, harder!
The voice in my head tries to convince myself all is well…
… And all is well when I can finally hear the comfort of mellifluous music: my feet dance on the melody, my heart beats on the beat, my breathing becomes as regular as the rhythm and the voice in my head cheerfully sings along with the lyrics.
Then, a brief yet pleasant moment of silence again and …
… A grandiose applause of the audience while we – in a quandary – savour this unique moment, slowly leaving the stage with a broad smile to thank them for their unconditional praise.
During the break, we go outside to cool of and smell rain falling from the cheerless divine skies.
I loved yours Jinte, it is really realistic and reading your text, I was living this moment with you. Good job with the use of the words of the day.
DeleteI loved your text, Jinte : we are transported with you on the stage! I like your style particularly. You always use the form of your text to make it the more effective : here the short sentences at the beginning and the repetitive "going to the line" convey effectively the stress, the restlessness before the show. But as soon as the music begins the sentences are flowing and there is no more thoughts or feelings described... Of course you use the sounds extremly effectively here but I loved the smell you picked out of all the smells stage-related. Rain in this context evokes for me the relief, after a storm for example : here the relief after the hudge stress and effort.
DeleteAnyhow your text is truly interesting, keep it up! :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs I was walking in the snow, I could hear the fall of the snow flakes, the sound of the reindeers' bells. The freezy wind flapped my face in muffled sounds. When I came home, the fire crackled in the fireplace. My blood was mellifluous, I could hear the sound of my beating heart...
ReplyDeleteEverything was a source of distraction. There was a leak in the roof. The insistent sound of water drops falling in the bucket one after another reverberated in the quiet room. There was a clock on the wall, standing there like an obdurate watcher reminding them of their onerous task, beating its relentless pulse. Some students were incessantly tapping their fingers on the table. The teacher was walking around. She could not stop hearing everything again and again, shifting her attention to everything but her sheet. The sound of the water drops- the tick tock of the clock - fingers tapping - footsteps - waterdrops - ticktock... However...? She tilted her head. Was that the sound of birds singing outside? As she started noticing it, the pace of the footseps changed and the window was slammed shut, the song muffled. She closed her eyes and pictured herself outside, free with the birds. She inhaled deeply...but the oppressive and musty smell of the room brought her back. She looked up at the everlastingly ticking clock then down at her sheet, still white after an hour.
ReplyDeleteI think you really managed to create a specific atmosphere in your paragraph and this is why it is so effective. I think it is a paragraph we could all relate to as students and this made it really striking. As a reader, I felt overwhelmed myself by all those noises especially by the list you made summing up all the elements and because of its extremely quick rhythm. This paragraph perfectly depicted how stressful any test can be and the importance of quietness to concentrate.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWalking outside a winter night. Snow had started to sprinkle on her dark hair. Her eyes were sparkling at the clinging lights. My heart was beating at the rythm of her footsteps, echoin in my ears. Her fresh breath met the sweet smell of hot chocolate coming from a restaurant. People laughing to tears, singing Christmas songs in the street, complimenting someone you love.. This is what Christmas should be.
ReplyDeleteI love the atmosphere you created ! And it was very well conveyed through all the auditory images that you found. My favorite one is the first one, when he/she can hear his/her heart beating. I thought it was original to think about a sound that you can hear from inside you, a sound that nobody else can hear except you. And the joy and happiness of Christmas time was very well described through the sound of the carols and the laughs, and emphasized with the smell of hot chocolate which is typical for that period of the year. Well done ^^
DeleteI sat by the ocean, the wind whipped following the slow, recurrent ebb of the tide-rising waves. It gracefully moved trees in a uncertain manner causing their leaves to slowly fall in a whirling sound. The smell of their fresh bark caught your ear. Ships were struggling to get back to port with the wind spinning their sails in every direction in a flapping sound and the storm slowly breaking through the sky with its grumbling and menacing echoes and claps.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your paragraph. The use of rich and detailed vocabulary definitely helped the development of the maritime atmosphere. The fact that you mixed both olfactory and auditory imagery is really original, nice job.
DeleteIt is often when silence is surrounding you that you hear life. On top of this hill, alone among the spirits of the forest, facing the bleached skeletons of trees in this winter season, I opened my ears and listened. I heard the valley breathing and this icy breath whistled now on the trees and stroke my face with a surprising wild sweetness. I heard the valley cracking its thousands of long, emaciated and gnarled fingers. I heard its heart beating of a dull throb from the very inside of the earth, kneading each time a little bit more this hard grey rock. I heard the snoring of its life, hibernating, waiting until a green and thick hair regrows on the valley’s calloused grey skin. I heard the shriek of the winged guardians of this peaceful rest. And, among this hubbub of drowsy life, the organic perfume of a bud hatching shouted the arrival of spring.
ReplyDeleteI like your work Augustin. The fact that you personified nature is interesting as it really helps to create the feeling of wonder. You chose to describe the wind, the trees, the valley etc as many parts of one gigantic living creature which convey an imposing image of nature, something that seems magic, supernatural and thus you conveyed admiration.
DeleteI found your olfactive imagery well chosen as you chose the word "perfume" for the odor which connotes a love for spring and marvel for, again, a magical transformation. Thus it emphasizes the mood you created with your auditory imagery.
Oh and I also particularly like "I heard the valley cracking its thousands of long, emaciated and gnarled fingers." (and your pun with the word 'gnarled'!) because it shows how nature is alive and ubiquitous
As she dove into the water, every sound was suddenly muffled. She swam forcefully until she felt her hands touch the bottom of the lake, and sat cross-legged on the ground. She relaxed her body, opened her eyes to the clear, almost transparent water, and took her time to enjoy every part of this moment. The reassuring rumble of the moving water against her ears. The feeling of her hair against her skin. The impression of freedom.
ReplyDeleteWhen she had so little air left that she felt like she was going to burst apart, she kicked the ground powerfully, the peacefulness of the moment turning into chaos as the comforting silence was replaced the loud abruptness of the movement. Finally, her head hit the surface, the dimmed sounds taken over by an explosion of gasps for air and hands hitting water and the morning songs of various birds. The girl reached the coast and threw herself on the ground before laying down with a content sigh. Enjoying her last moments of freedom, she fell asleep to the music of the birds and the smell of the wet grass.
You really used auditory images to narrate your story ! I love how you contrasted underwater and the real world with the words "chaos" and "comforting silence" against "loud abruptness", highlighting the pleasure of swimming and being apart from everything else. You also created visual and tactile images, it has bewitched me and it was pleasing to read !
DeleteThe entire city seemed asleep and motionless, yet it had never been so alive. From the noise of freshly wrapped chestnuts to the delicate melody of coffee filling people's cups, and even the ballet of the very last leaves of fall, nobody could resist the agitation Christmas was spreading. And when I'm saying nobody, I mean that even the most cold hearted individual would find his soul warming up to the sound of snow cracking under his sole, and his smile expand as the perfume of hot chocolate came to his nose.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly, I awoke. The world trembled because of the clouds' roars. The walls bent because of the wind's howls. The windows talked nervously because of the sky's cries. I still can hear it ; but now, your perfume tickles my nose.
ReplyDeleteThe ground, recovered of dead leafs after the fall of autumn, was crunching as my pace was speeding up. The wind wafted, taking my disturbed mind with him. I kept going, my feet were squishing in the mud, and as I was moving forward birds flew away, fluttering. They were chirping, squawking of fear and twittering with the arrival of spring. The trees were murmuring, the wind blowing is their branches. Through a manifold whoosh, nature was speaking and this time when running in the middle of her, I was listening.
ReplyDeleteAs he walked through the alley, he could hear the clang and bang of the factories and the constant hubbub of the crowded streets. From a nearby pub came a sweet melodic swing. And when passing the entrance, he could feel that he was sinking in the mesmerizing atmosphere which floated in the bar. Inside, the smell of rhum and cigar engulfed him.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your comment Charles because it reminds me of England during the industrial age, and I'm a fan of Assassin's Creed Syndicate. You really made it feel as if we were walking down the street with your character, and could hear the factories and the crowd. I like the way you even created an atmosphere inside an atmosphere with the bar. I just have to say that starting a sentence with "And" isn't a very good idea though, but overall good job ;)
DeleteWe were seated right outside the bar, conversing. While listening to Arthur, I could hear the waiter take an order from a couple on my right, and I could hear a baby crying, in her stroller, while her parents were talking behind her, trying to figure out what to do to make her stop. Inside the bar, a rumble was created by the voices of people all talking to each other at the same time, but was quite faint from where I was seated. I heard a lighter, the smell of burnt tobacco. I heard my friends laughing; as I turned towards them and laughed myself at Louise's joke, I heard the waitress : "Here is what you guys ordered".
ReplyDeleteLook at that chalet in the middle of the woods. Do you see that girl sitting on her couch? She is listening to the sound of the wind vivaciously blowing on the trees as a kid at his birthday.
ReplyDeleteLost in her thoughts, she stares blankly, out of the window. The river is running like a waterfall, she can hear the sparkling sound of the droplets, hear the water softly crashing on the rocks. At her side, a fireplace with the wood slowly burning, craking.... A combined smeel of timber, smoke and hot chocolate is floating in the air. The snow outside and the beauty of the moment made the girl wish that she could stop the time forever.
I really like your paragraph Elisa! You managed to create an intimate atmosphere very close to nature. The fact that you addressed the reader at the beginning emphasizes the intimacy of the scene. Through the imagery you used nature seems very vivacious, but at the same time the girl and the scene you describe seem like frozen in time. You created a beautiful and peaceful painting and I could smell the hot chocolate when I read your text! Good job!
DeleteI completely agree with Chloé, the fact that you created a link with the reader from the beginning of your paragraph makes it very intimate, and your choice of words and imagery made the scene feel very real, making it easy for the reader to feel part of the scene. Great job!
DeleteIt always starts with that same irritating signal, a grating alert whose throb seems to severely pierce your entire sluggish body. You let out a slight moan, or a yawn ; anyway, things are not clear enough yet to figure out. A shiver runs through your whole body as you listen to the satisfying symphony of your cracking bones who, just like you, seem to express their awakening. The floor creaks under the early pressure of your feet and you go downstairs, tramping. The water starts boiling in a crescendo, gently, vigorously, violently, releasing in the kitchen a pleasant and invigorating fragrance of coffee. Then come the splashing sounds of the water running continuously down the sink, the rustle of the cloth, the squeak of your shoes on the cold floor... But as you open the door, all the noises suddenly disappear as all you can hear is the silence of the dawn. This is a little privilege that you enjoy and without which a day wouldn't feel the same.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your paragraph, Esteban! It really conveys something personal, and the fact that you used the second person for your narration creates a link with the reader and the narrator that makes the text feel very intimate. I like how you use very specific vocabulary as well, and that your text seems to have a regular flow : the reader follows the narrator through a haze of auditory and tactile sensations, the way we can be when waking up. Your sentence about the coffee illustrates this crescendo you seem to use in your paragraph : "gently, vigorously, violently", you go from auditory to olfactory imagery, without any break in the rhythm. The conclusion, a silence that feels less pleasant than the haze the reader was plunged into just before, is perfect to make this pleasant feeling feel even more unique, even more like an intimate, special moment than it already was.
DeleteWhen I look at you, I cannot see anything else around me. The sight of your face brings me back to a special place, where I can hear the birds singing, the trees breathing, and the boat moving smoothly on this magnificent lagoon. But then, when looking at you a second time, I suddenly perceive the mellifluous melody of my father's guitar lulling me to sleep, accompanied by his soft, almost whispering whistling in the cool and pleasant night. Looking at you leads my mind to this peaceful place, to this gentle and innocent atmosphere filled with a charming smell, a mix between the bonfire's smoke and the firs' essence surrounding my memory.
ReplyDeleteThe acute distress caused by the letter blinded her with tears and she snuggled in a mild corner in deep agitation. She concentrated her attention on her aching, pounding heartbeats slowing down at the comforting roaring of the oven. The soothing confabulation of the busy women chassed away her dark thoughts and the happy, out-of-tune melody of her sister’s piano somewhere in the house even brought a smile to her face. Well-known noises as the crackling of the butter in a pan or the hiss coming from the coffee machine lulled her into a merry drowsiness. The weary laugh of the old cook and an enchanting smell of a freshly baked cake drifted with her into a sleeping peacefulness.
ReplyDeleteThe kitchen had always been her happy place.
This paragraph is definitely the one that drew my attention the most... There's something about it, I think, which makes it universal: sounds and smells that everyone knows and that can bring to mind extremely vivid and complete images. This effect is really amplified by the sound of the words "hiss" and "crackling", which are very sharp sounds; and the entire scene radiates warmth, fond memories, with appropriate words such as "weary" and "old". You can really feel the progression in mood throughout this short paragraph, going from anxiety and stress to warmth and calm, a very successful progression indeed. It was extremely pleasant to read!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI thought I would reply to only one post, Julie, but yours is so lovely! I love how you make the shift in her feelings appear in the kitchen's noises, how when we arrive at the end, the reader can feel the protagonist's contentment as well as if it were their own.
DeleteAs I walked along the shore, the complexity of the sound I once simply attributed to "the sea" suddenly hit me: the regular yet varying crash of the waves over the hard rocks, and the sharp cries of the seagulls; the wind, howling in my ears, and the crunch of tiny rounded pebbles under my feet, or the slow swish of wet sand. In the background, the high-pitched bubbling of sea foam, like lemonade, floating on the water. And the prevailing smell of something damp, stinging and salty, hanging in the air and giving a calm atmosphere to the place.
ReplyDeleteMy mom’s voice was a buzz, low and full of sorrow. It was the faraway knell that I couldn’t allow myself to hear, when I looked upon her tear-stained face. The river kept flowing, drowning any other sound. The water, its quiet, vibrating energy, was rushing in my ears like the unwanted, loud wind. The stream, you know, is far from regular : it keeps hitting bumps, with a loud splash, audibly wavering for a second before plunging again into its well-defined path, a path it can’t outrun. As time went on, the knell got clearer, louder. The flow of the water is irregular, imperfect, it never knows where to go, it bumps and thumps and whams into branches and rocks and waste. Now I can hear the words clearly, the words I never wanted to hear, they’re followed by broken Sorrys even though it’s nobody’s fault—and the stench of nature never felt so strong.
ReplyDeleteI really like your work Alice! I liked the way you used the imagery of tears being an irregular flow. Your use of many synesthesia also allowed us to feel different sensations and to feel the intensity of the scene. Also the imagery of the avoided news as a knell links it with death and helps us understand a little bit better the scene. Also the image of the drowned sound is particularly effective! You played with the distance of the sound, at first far and then near, symbolizing the character’s progressive acceptance of the news. You also played with the sounds and it makes your paragraph even more pleasing to read and develops your ideas. Thumbs up !
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThat was pretty intense, Alice! I just love how you manage to hook your reader and plunge him into the immediacy of your writing, which is enhanced by the direct address that you use. What I also found interesting is how you created this strong impression of helplessness through the metaphor of a stream, a "quiet", as you put it, yet relentless and unstoppable force. On top of that your exploration of auditory imagery is very evocative thanks to the different "dimensions" of sounds that you conjured up : both figurative ones, like the "loud splash" of the stream, and more abstract ones with the internal knell of the speaker. A very striking reading, thank you!
DeleteAs you venture deep into the forest, faint rustles and rasps surface from the shadows : Nature’s voice, so often engulfed in our urban white noise. Yet there is something soothing in those slender silhouettes, stretching their ramifications to the skies, whistling their soft psithurism as you wander and loose your way. The crisp leaves whisper under your feet, and each of your steps is muffled in the rich mosses, lightly exhaling their singular aroma : soil, fungus, and dew. Then all sorts of souls arise in your wake, buzzing, pecking, throbbing at the arrival of an intruder.
ReplyDeleteHe awoke, as he so often did, to the blaring alarms and flashing red lights. Him and his comrades were up and dressed in an instant and speeding towards their truck. The deep rumble of the engine vibrated through his body but all he could hear was the blood pumping through his ears. This was the last bit of rest he would get that night. The tires screeched loudly as the truck skidded to a halt. He could already smell burning wood and smoke before jumping out of the truck and grabbing his helmet. The moment his feet touched the ground he bolted towards the fire.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful Alex! Your use of auditory and olfactory imagery creates a very memorable effect here.
DeleteIt's more sensing than seeing, the wind rushing in your ears, even when you are wearing your headphones. It contrasts bashfully, these two sounds in your head. It's a symphony cracking up, breaking the laws and codes established by hundreds and hundreds of Masters through the Ages. There is no more order in this world of chaos, and the faint murmur of the whirlwind is a masterpiece. It murmurs in your ears to let go, growls to give up, hiss to fall asleep on the ground. You wait, the cracking branches spinning around you, the soft yowl of the dying animals bringing the final notes of the melody. And then it ends. You hear nothing but silence. Loud and intruding silence. There is nothing for you but silence. You fall apart, like a music without any instruments. It's more a cry than a song, after all.
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow. Because I understand it without being able to desrcibe it. You said chaos - I like that word, but that's not all it is. Wait, chaos is good. In Ancient Greek, chaos is the gaping void from which everything is born; well, here you've switched it around, everything returning to the original void. It's extremely powerful, this contrast. You create more than a mood, you create an emotion - though, once again, I'd be hard pressed to say which one, not because your text is lacking in anyway, but because you have created something that, as far as I am aware, doesn't have a name. What you did miss, unless I misread, was the olfactory imagery. However although this was in the instructions I don't personally don't think you really needed it. We can smell everything just fine as it is, from the fresh cool wind to the dying animals' musty furry smell. It makes for great synesthesia, well done :)
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHiking through the huge pine forrest, the frosty flakes of snow squealed under the soles of our shoes. We had to wear warm clothes because the weather was so cold. Every time we heard the whisper of the wind, all of us covered our eyes to avoid the gusts of snow. All day long branches cracked and crunched in the deep white coat that covered this world making this trip even more exciting. At the end of the day, most of us were exhausted and the soft barbecue sent gave us a little strength to finish our walk.
ReplyDeleteIt would creak and moan, always, always creak then moan. Sometimes clang. When people got on and off; then it clanged. ‘I know’, he thought. ‘I understand.’ It wouldn’t block out their chatter. Their chatter never ceased. They would queue up and chatter; hand him their tickets and chatter; sit down and chatter; and by the time they came back around again, they still wouldn’t be done chattering. Endless, like. Like what. He couldn’t think. It would drown him one day, their chatter. He used to listen to what they were saying. It was pointless stuff, careless. He had stopped listening because he thought it would be better to drown ignorant than drown knowing that people were there, sailing past him but never stopping to drag him out. Listening to their brilliant laughs and their pathetic jokes exacerbated his loneliness somehow. It reminded him. He spat. That sound was satisfying; that sound was something he could cling onto. Them? Better to pretend they were robots, tappings of mindless mechanics. To let them merge with the wheel’s tremendous sighs. It was even possible to remove the humanity from the songs, he had found. Blasted loud-speakers. Still after the hundredth repetition of Jingle Bells you started to forget that an actual person had ever sung it to begin with. He wasn’t even particularly mad at Christmas. Just not interested. Christmas was his job. It was his job, the job of the carol-singer who blared out through the market-place, the job of the churros-vendor opposite. How did he do it. That smell. Overpowering, the stench of fat he could never afford, sugar he could never afford, fat and sugar all dripping and fried that he would never buy even if he could afford to, because who wants to eat churros alone?
ReplyDelete